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Induction

April 21, 2017       23:04

I'm finally at week 36. I'm not term, but I'm excited because I no longer have to be frightened if the baby comes. Up until this week, I was in constant fear that each contraction meant I would go into labor and have a baby that I knew didn't have proper lung development. Although he's not "fully cooked" he has baked just enough for my doctor to give me her blessing for delivery.

Everything is going great. I may not be able to get around like I'd like or carry my toddler around, but life is good. Staying home from work also did wonders. With some rest, I've been able to get a control of those crazy contractions that made it difficult to do anything. I'm not contraction-free  by any means, but the knowledge that Asher and myself will be fine is freeing. This wasn't the case 3 weeks ago when things got bad.

The only "bad" thing I could cite is the reality check I received at my last doctor's appointment. My doctor gives "the talk" with all first time moms and high risk mothers. I'm considered high risk because of having gestational diabetes. The talk was quick and the take home message was: we won't let you go pass the due date and you will get a c-section if you're not dilated at the time of induction. Interestingly, I knew this information, but hearing it was jarring. I thought about how I never dilated with Felicity until labor. Fortunately each pregnancy is different because that would predict that induction would equal c-section. I've discussed coming to grips with the possibility, but it still feels like something is being snatched away from me. I want to at least have my trial of labor before having to schedule every birth going forward. It makes every contraction now feel bittersweet. Bitter because I want my son to develop the best way possible and have a good start. Sweet because if I go into labor on my own I get my trial of labor. The smaller the baby, the more likely the probability of  VBAC success.

The thought process is so twisted, but I know there are so many mothers thinking the same at this point in their pregnancy. By the third trimester, a lot of moms nuke are just beat down. In my pregnancy group so many mothers are bringing up doing their own induction. Natural methods are preferred to ease the mind that there's no harm. Honestly, I feel for them and myself. We are on the same boat headed to the same place: insanity because the babies come when they feel like it.

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